Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Trying to feel included

Lord be with Troy as he deals with feeling left out.

This morning I stood at Troy's classroom door waiting for the teacher to notice my presence.  "Can I see Troy please for a minute," I asked once noticed. 

Troy comes out of the classroom and we sit on the bench where he has his backpack, outdoor clothing and walker.

Before  I got a word out about why I was there Troy says, "Mom today we were playing basket ball in gym and no one passed the ball to me.  There is no point in my going out if no one is passing the ball to me."  I could see his eyes getting watery and my heart wanted to jump out and wipe his tears.  I asked him if there was a teacher in with them and he confirmed there was.  I then asked if he said something to the teacher about being involved and he said he did not.  

"You should tell the teacher how you feel bud," I tried to say convincingly.  "Or talk to the principal or we can go right now if you would like," I said trying to think of ways to resolve his broken heart. 

"Its OK mom we are starting a new unit, floor hockey.  If it happens with that I will say something." he said like Troy always says. 

He does not want to be the one to always run to the teacher or principal.  As a parent I even find it hard to speak up sometimes knowing that teachers, principals or whoever I am trying to explain something to will always have an excuse as to why it is happening.  Step down to an 11 year old level and they can not figure out why they are all not treated the same.  He wonders if it is because of his special needs that no one wants to throw the ball to him.  He wonders why the teacher would not make sure everyone is involved especially if marks are at risk. 

Often times they just assume Troy is doing what he can but do not really try to include him beyond the scope.   The problem irks me because I know it is not just Troy who feels left out at school.  There are hundreds of kids who get left behind because the focus remains on the easy, high marked, athletic kids.  Or even focus  on just doing a job and adhering to rules passed on.

Why do Christians think faith should be at school?  Read the above.  In the bible no one is left out.  In the bible the focus is not on the top people who believe.  No! Scripture after scripture Jesus had faith in tax collectors (disciple), the sick, the sinners etc. This list goes on.  He included them all and expects that from us all.  Jesus just wants people to love each other the best we can.

Many say faith should remain at home and dealt with privately or at church.  The truth is it is hard to teach them love for everyone when they do not even feel like they fully get it from a place they are at 6 hours a day.  Who ever changed the fact that school should only include academics and wean out love and compassion for others.   I am not saying there is none of this at school I believe it is diminishing.  Is it not fair as a parent to say all I want is for my kids to feel loved even at school.  To me a human being feeling loved is so much more fulfilling then A's in school.  We don't get into Heaven with straight A's. 

At the same time we need to prepare Troy for those times when he feels left out.  It breaks my heart when it happens at school when an adult is in charge of inclusiveness. 

Troy and I decided he would type up a letter for his gym teacher to say how he felt.  Awareness is always good.  Reminders are always good.  I know I need them once in a while.  OK I know most days I could use reminders.


  1. Dear Heather, I am weeping. Troy doesn't likely realize yet that God is using these things to shape him into a kind and compassionate man. It hurts to feel left out no matter what age we are but in a child it can have a lifelong effect.

    Hugs and prayers

  2. For Troy....http://anotherporch.blogspot.ca/2014/01/for-troyand-every-other-girl-and-boy.html

  3. Oh Heather, I so it with you!
    I am sitting here on the eve of Josh's geography exam, and found out an hour or so ago that his teacher told him one too many times in class that he could not use his laptop for his work. I don't know the situations around it, or have the teacher's comments to go by, but MY GOSH, I am stunned! His laptop has become his tool for so much of his learning in less than a year. This is documented and in his IEP, and still...what the heck! When he is told no too many times, he just gives up, and goes with it. No wonder he has had so many problems getting his work completed and handed in, no wonder he is falling asleep in class...he has just plain given up. We now need to take that situation and find a positive in it for him too...God will use it for good, but it's soooo frustrating!
    Trust God to take it and make Troy stronger and better for the experience too.

  4. You girls do know that God selected you for the job of caring for these special angels? All our children are special angels, of course but raising children who struggle with an obvious 'don't fit in' with the so-called norm, requires Moms with a special God touch. You have been blessed with that. Fight for them, Momma Bears. So sad that compassion and sensitivity is not the norm! What a better place this world would be if it were so. God has got your back (and your heart!) Heather, did you see Janet's beautiful poem for Troy...

  5. Thank you so much ladies. Your words mean so much! And Lee-ann thanks for sharing.
    Janet thank yo so much for your blog. I can not comment on it for some reason. It was beautiful and I will show Troy tonight. THANK YOU. God is good.