Trying to feel included

Lord be with Troy as he deals with feeling left out.



This morning I stood at Troy's classroom door waiting for the teacher to notice my presence.  "Can I see Troy please for a minute," I asked once noticed. 

Troy comes out of the classroom and we sit on the bench where he has his backpack, outdoor clothing and walker.

Before  I got a word out about why I was there Troy says, "Mom today we were playing basket ball in gym and no one passed the ball to me.  There is no point in my going out if no one is passing the ball to me."  I could see his eyes getting watery and my heart wanted to jump out and wipe his tears.  I asked him if there was a teacher in with them and he confirmed there was.  I then asked if he said something to the teacher about being involved and he said he did not.  

"You should tell the teacher how you feel bud," I tried to say convincingly.  "Or talk to the principal or we can go right now if you would like," I said trying to think of ways to resolve his broken heart. 

"Its OK mom we are starting a new unit, floor hockey.  If it happens with that I will say something." he said like Troy always says. 

He does not want to be the one to always run to the teacher or principal.  As a parent I even find it hard to speak up sometimes knowing that teachers, principals or whoever I am trying to explain something to will always have an excuse as to why it is happening.  Step down to an 11 year old level and they can not figure out why they are all not treated the same.  He wonders if it is because of his special needs that no one wants to throw the ball to him.  He wonders why the teacher would not make sure everyone is involved especially if marks are at risk. 

Often times they just assume Troy is doing what he can but do not really try to include him beyond the scope.   The problem irks me because I know it is not just Troy who feels left out at school.  There are hundreds of kids who get left behind because the focus remains on the easy, high marked, athletic kids.  Or even focus  on just doing a job and adhering to rules passed on.

Why do Christians think faith should be at school?  Read the above.  In the bible no one is left out.  In the bible the focus is not on the top people who believe.  No! Scripture after scripture Jesus had faith in tax collectors (disciple), the sick, the sinners etc. This list goes on.  He included them all and expects that from us all.  Jesus just wants people to love each other the best we can.

Many say faith should remain at home and dealt with privately or at church.  The truth is it is hard to teach them love for everyone when they do not even feel like they fully get it from a place they are at 6 hours a day.  Who ever changed the fact that school should only include academics and wean out love and compassion for others.   I am not saying there is none of this at school I believe it is diminishing.  Is it not fair as a parent to say all I want is for my kids to feel loved even at school.  To me a human being feeling loved is so much more fulfilling then A's in school.  We don't get into Heaven with straight A's. 

At the same time we need to prepare Troy for those times when he feels left out.  It breaks my heart when it happens at school when an adult is in charge of inclusiveness. 

Troy and I decided he would type up a letter for his gym teacher to say how he felt.  Awareness is always good.  Reminders are always good.  I know I need them once in a while.  OK I know most days I could use reminders.

HARDENED TEARS

People do it everywhere, at church, at groups, weddings, baby showers, graduations.  That moment when the ducts open and tears flow.  Tears that do not care who is around and what is thought. 
          In my small bible group that gathers once a week I find myself in awe of those who cry around me. Hearts opening up about family situations, children struggles and even faith struggles allowing those tiniest of water falls to start.  As I find myself getting choked up feeling their every hurt or wanting to share about my many struggles out of no where like the speed of light a brick wall locks around my heart sending a hardening paste up to my eyes. How dare I cry in public.

A conversation in my mind begins:

"People will think you don't have it together Heather" I hear.

"I really feel their hurt though" I respond.  "It is ok to cry this is a safe place," I add

"Hahahahah are you kidding they won't understand why you are crying.  Especially when they hear what your small struggle is," I hear.

"Sometimes it is hard to be a parent of a child with special needs and I really need prayer," I cry inward.

"Really Heather, then they are all going to be thinking in their heads why you don't just suck it up and deal with it nothing can be changed," I hear.

"It is no different then her talking about her same family struggles all the time.  My brothers and sisters are not going to be thinking that of me," I try to declare.

"Now your just being stupid, if you say anything what do you think they will think of you and Dean adopting yet another child with special needs.  They will all think you are crazy if you can't even handle some days you have now.  Don't do it, don't ask." I hear.

"Maybe you are right.  I will be ok.  I must be strong.  I can do it myself.  There won't be enough time to talk about my struggles anyways." I say with my heart hurting but mind starting to believe.  "I could really use prayer though and to leave my baggage at the cross."

"Do I really need to remind you how many times you have left that same baggage at the cross?  It is not safe Heather, these people are going to tell others and then more people will know you can't handle being a parent." I hear.

"No my brothers and sisters here at group are safe and I know they will help me.  I need to release some of my tears.  I deserve prayer.  I am not meant to be alone in all of this.  They all know how much I love and adore my children and would do anything for them." I battle back.

"As soon as they hear your words and watch you cry they are going to think differently of you.  They are going to all talk behind your back.  You will have to walk around all the time wondering who knows about what you  talked about and if they think you are weak." I hear.

"Oh great now we are out of time at group.  It is too late.  Oh well I will wait till I get home and cry where no one knows." I cry inside.

I walk in my house and the tears flow.  Time and time again tears noone ever sees, struggles noone ever hears.

"Papa I pray for Holy Spirit water to soften my hardened tears so I can reach out to those who love me and will support me no matter how many tears or struggles I share.  Let those words that are not of you be jumbled and reworded to encourage. I pray for those moments I am brought to my knees and release everything."