Trying to feel included

Lord be with Troy as he deals with feeling left out.



This morning I stood at Troy's classroom door waiting for the teacher to notice my presence.  "Can I see Troy please for a minute," I asked once noticed. 

Troy comes out of the classroom and we sit on the bench where he has his backpack, outdoor clothing and walker.

Before  I got a word out about why I was there Troy says, "Mom today we were playing basket ball in gym and no one passed the ball to me.  There is no point in my going out if no one is passing the ball to me."  I could see his eyes getting watery and my heart wanted to jump out and wipe his tears.  I asked him if there was a teacher in with them and he confirmed there was.  I then asked if he said something to the teacher about being involved and he said he did not.  

"You should tell the teacher how you feel bud," I tried to say convincingly.  "Or talk to the principal or we can go right now if you would like," I said trying to think of ways to resolve his broken heart. 

"Its OK mom we are starting a new unit, floor hockey.  If it happens with that I will say something." he said like Troy always says. 

He does not want to be the one to always run to the teacher or principal.  As a parent I even find it hard to speak up sometimes knowing that teachers, principals or whoever I am trying to explain something to will always have an excuse as to why it is happening.  Step down to an 11 year old level and they can not figure out why they are all not treated the same.  He wonders if it is because of his special needs that no one wants to throw the ball to him.  He wonders why the teacher would not make sure everyone is involved especially if marks are at risk. 

Often times they just assume Troy is doing what he can but do not really try to include him beyond the scope.   The problem irks me because I know it is not just Troy who feels left out at school.  There are hundreds of kids who get left behind because the focus remains on the easy, high marked, athletic kids.  Or even focus  on just doing a job and adhering to rules passed on.

Why do Christians think faith should be at school?  Read the above.  In the bible no one is left out.  In the bible the focus is not on the top people who believe.  No! Scripture after scripture Jesus had faith in tax collectors (disciple), the sick, the sinners etc. This list goes on.  He included them all and expects that from us all.  Jesus just wants people to love each other the best we can.

Many say faith should remain at home and dealt with privately or at church.  The truth is it is hard to teach them love for everyone when they do not even feel like they fully get it from a place they are at 6 hours a day.  Who ever changed the fact that school should only include academics and wean out love and compassion for others.   I am not saying there is none of this at school I believe it is diminishing.  Is it not fair as a parent to say all I want is for my kids to feel loved even at school.  To me a human being feeling loved is so much more fulfilling then A's in school.  We don't get into Heaven with straight A's. 

At the same time we need to prepare Troy for those times when he feels left out.  It breaks my heart when it happens at school when an adult is in charge of inclusiveness. 

Troy and I decided he would type up a letter for his gym teacher to say how he felt.  Awareness is always good.  Reminders are always good.  I know I need them once in a while.  OK I know most days I could use reminders.

Earthly Stroke vs. Heavenly Stroke

Lord bless my words:

As I parked our van in the wheelchair parking spot I found myself in a daze.  My son and daughter colouring in the back waiting for the word to get out and go into the hospital.  I have parked her lots before to visit a princess.

On the first floor in room 108 is Joanne.  That hospital has been her home for over a year.  Joanne suffered a major stroke which in Satan's mind has left her paralyzed.  I could write on and on about all the equipment in her room.  My heart tells me though that is what Satan wants me to see and what he wants you to see when you go the hospital to visit people you know and love.  I do not visit Joanne because I feel bad for her and feel obligated because it is my moms very dear friend.

You see I have something Joanne needs inside her and needs to hear.  So simple.  It is Jesus.  When I go to see her thanks to Jesus I see the princess He sees.  I feel the love He has for her.  I have a great sense of the great plans He has for her.  He wants her to know how much He loves her.  Her precious body needs the Holy Spirit trickling through her veins oh and pumping in her heart.  She deserves to know there is a freedom and peace that she owns thanks to Jesus. 

I have taken Joanne worship music.  I bought her a dollar store princess crown and it sits on her shelf. But today I spoke a prayer over her with little response and that was to accept Jesus into her heart.  "Lord forgive her sins,  may her heart accept You and invite you in.  Lord may she continue to commit all she has to you."  The best gift I have.  It is all I have.  I also sang "Jesus Reigns" quitely behind her followed by a few lines of, "Jesus loves you."

Satan may have won with a earthly "Stroke" but our God hahahaahhaha is much bigger and HE won with his stroke of death on the cross.   Earthly stroke vs. heavenly stroke...no matter what Joanne is going through she needs to know she already won.  Don't we all?

Joanne does cry and responds when she feels up to it.  I sense frustration, hate, hurt and even fear looking at her face.  I constantly pray for peace that surpasses no other.  I totally believe God can heal her.  Will He? That I don't know.  Should I be angry if he does not (the way I expect) as I really feel like He wants to.  What does His healing look like compared to what healing looks like to me?

"Lord over a year now is so so long...please show us your plan for Joanne. Be with her husband Glen and other family members.  They all need you!  Revelation, revelation..."

Surrounded by an Army

Holy Spirit guide my heart as I write this:

The heaviness I was carrying made it difficult to get in the front door of our house after church a couple of months ago.  Church was a huge let down.  Not because of our Pastor instead the spirit of anxiety I carried.  Strong enough to prevent me from entering the sanctuary for service.  Instead my amazing Christian sister sits with me just outside the sanctuary doors.  I twitched my leg back and forth listening to our Pastor preach on a bible story of a man who ran up to the front and asked for demons to be rebuked.  Wow the urge to run up to our Pastor in the middle of the service and plead for my church family to help me.  Getting a pain in my side I quickly scurry back down to the church basement where I felt safe watching the summer Sunday school take place.

Hunger for church is an understatment.  I was starving but such a force was holding me back.  As we drove home tears clouded my vision.  "What is wrong with me? I need church so bad yet I can't even sit in on a service." I thought to myself.

Once home down into our rec room I went to surround myself in my safety net.  Wondering if my problem would ever ever end.  I look out the same old window and pray for the day I wouldn't feel so alone and safe to go outdoors.

About half and hour later the Pastor's wife comes down into our rec room and shares she was thinking of me.  I was in shock.  I talk to her once in a while but for her to come over during my struggles was amazing to me.  She then came over and sat down beside me and asked how I was doing and asked if it was ok to pray for me.  She then said, "I brought a whole bus load of people to surround your house and pray." 

It took a second for the whole busload comment to sink in and I started to cry and said, "The whole bus came to pray?" 

See it was beach day and many of our youth and a few families were heading to the beach. One of my Christian brothers had on his heart during that mornings church service to come pray for me.  He then came down and greeted me with tears and a big hug and comforting reasurance he was there for me.  He too knows personally of my struggles.

Within moments over 50 brothers and sisters, young and old, even the bus driver surrounded our home and prayed for me.  Seeing the youth out with their eyes closed for me was a surreal moment.  Even if they were thinking only of the beach or what was brought for snacks the fact that they surrounded my house and made such an impact it will never ever be forgotten.  As I am down in our rec room I go to that window to see my church family standing outside with their heads bowed praying.  I was sobbing without control.  One of my very dear christians brothers come to the window and we touch hands on the screen.  He prayed and I cried and I kept saying, "Thank you, thank you." 

I felt amazing and they all clapped.  I so wanted to go to the beach with them but really what just happened was so overwhelming for me and felt so darn good, keeping that moment without distractions of the beach felt safer.  Our kids were so excited and yet surprised they all surrounded our house.  We all waved out the front door as they drove off to continue with their day at the beach. 
Me on the other hand sobbed for about half and hour after they left.  I felt peace, excited, overwhelmed, thankful and wondered if they all knew how much that changed my course of recovery.  I have never felt so loved in my life. 

After that moment every time I looked out the window I saw the house surrounded by an army.  God's loving Army.  No guns, tanks or government control.  God's obedient children just stopping by on the way to the beach to pray for our little family.  So many to thank but I praise God that he heard my cry of wanting to be a part of church and really needing prayer that day.  He knew how I wanted to run up to the pulpit and get the whole church to pray for me.

He loves me and my family so much he sent a whole bus load. He heard my cry.  My friend, Andy for listening to his heart during service.  So exciting how God works.  I love them all so much.
AMEN