Trying to feel included

Lord be with Troy as he deals with feeling left out.



This morning I stood at Troy's classroom door waiting for the teacher to notice my presence.  "Can I see Troy please for a minute," I asked once noticed. 

Troy comes out of the classroom and we sit on the bench where he has his backpack, outdoor clothing and walker.

Before  I got a word out about why I was there Troy says, "Mom today we were playing basket ball in gym and no one passed the ball to me.  There is no point in my going out if no one is passing the ball to me."  I could see his eyes getting watery and my heart wanted to jump out and wipe his tears.  I asked him if there was a teacher in with them and he confirmed there was.  I then asked if he said something to the teacher about being involved and he said he did not.  

"You should tell the teacher how you feel bud," I tried to say convincingly.  "Or talk to the principal or we can go right now if you would like," I said trying to think of ways to resolve his broken heart. 

"Its OK mom we are starting a new unit, floor hockey.  If it happens with that I will say something." he said like Troy always says. 

He does not want to be the one to always run to the teacher or principal.  As a parent I even find it hard to speak up sometimes knowing that teachers, principals or whoever I am trying to explain something to will always have an excuse as to why it is happening.  Step down to an 11 year old level and they can not figure out why they are all not treated the same.  He wonders if it is because of his special needs that no one wants to throw the ball to him.  He wonders why the teacher would not make sure everyone is involved especially if marks are at risk. 

Often times they just assume Troy is doing what he can but do not really try to include him beyond the scope.   The problem irks me because I know it is not just Troy who feels left out at school.  There are hundreds of kids who get left behind because the focus remains on the easy, high marked, athletic kids.  Or even focus  on just doing a job and adhering to rules passed on.

Why do Christians think faith should be at school?  Read the above.  In the bible no one is left out.  In the bible the focus is not on the top people who believe.  No! Scripture after scripture Jesus had faith in tax collectors (disciple), the sick, the sinners etc. This list goes on.  He included them all and expects that from us all.  Jesus just wants people to love each other the best we can.

Many say faith should remain at home and dealt with privately or at church.  The truth is it is hard to teach them love for everyone when they do not even feel like they fully get it from a place they are at 6 hours a day.  Who ever changed the fact that school should only include academics and wean out love and compassion for others.   I am not saying there is none of this at school I believe it is diminishing.  Is it not fair as a parent to say all I want is for my kids to feel loved even at school.  To me a human being feeling loved is so much more fulfilling then A's in school.  We don't get into Heaven with straight A's. 

At the same time we need to prepare Troy for those times when he feels left out.  It breaks my heart when it happens at school when an adult is in charge of inclusiveness. 

Troy and I decided he would type up a letter for his gym teacher to say how he felt.  Awareness is always good.  Reminders are always good.  I know I need them once in a while.  OK I know most days I could use reminders.

Junior kindergarten

As Bella pulls out her agenda after a full day of school she hands me a blue sheet

of paper and says, "Mommy this is for Emma.  Can I fill it out?"  I think to myself for Emma?  Why would Emma get mail from the "big school?'

I told Bella to let me read the paper first.  As I skimmed down the sheet I quickly noticed "junior kindergarten registration is..."  Oh gosh.  I am not ready for big school for Emma yet.  Even though Emma is three years old, four this October she has only been with our family for a year and a half.  It feels like we just gave birth to her.  How could I possibly let our baby go to big school?

More important question I struggle with is why send her so early?  Does she really need to be in school so early?  Does God need her to be in school at only 4 years old, 5 days a week for 6 hours a day?  For me it is more then whether she is ready or not.  Even if she is ready does Emma need school 5 days a week?  Will it really affect her 20 years down the road when she is getting a job?  I think of all the "smartie pants" people in the world (inventors, RIM designers, etc) and they seem OK not having school at 4 years old.

Bella had JK every other day the first year and then our school started to the full day program for her SK year.  We decided it was best not to conform to the worldly decision of what is best for her and still sent her every other day as did a few other parents with their little ones. 

So if Emma goes to JK a decision needs to be made that best suits her needs.  The fun part is I already know God has amazing plans for her with JK or not.  I also know I need to talk to Him and see what he puts on our hearts for His princess.  Not earthly minds thinking they know what is best for a little girl they have never met or read what is on two pages of paper.

I believe that the teachers do an amazing job with what they are given in the classrooms and handed down by the school boards.  I am not questioning teachers and their work. 

I am a mom that has been able to stay home now for over 10 years which allows me the privilege of my children staying home.  I can not say whether or not it would be the same if I worked.  I dare not even begin to guess what working full time would be like.  Part-time work is enough.

Today I grabbed a pen and filled out the registration forms.  The work begins to get Immunization records, birth certificates and the list of her team members like speech, occupational and phsyiotherapists.  How do I write out all her specialities on paper LOL.

The conversation begins well I should say continues with God as He reveals to us what is best for our little princess this September.

Blogging

One of my goals for the new year was to blog everyday.  I am not to far off but not exactly where I wanted to be.

I realize there are so many things that get to the top of my list.  Blogging may be on my list of to-do's for 2014 but what does God have in store for me this year?

While I may feel like I am failing my goal, God reminds me blogging is my plan.  He supports me as I write but He definitely fills up my time the days I do not write.

It can take up to one hour to put my words down and find pictures to go along.  Add to that  distractions and the clock runs longer.

Why to blog?  I feel I have lots to write about and a lot of times what I write down flows out of what God has put on my heart.  Ask me the next day what I write and I may not remember.  My fingers press on the letters and before I know it I am clicking on the spell check.  Will I ever be famous for my blogs, now that is funny.

I am not writing to be famous.  My writing is not meant to hurt anyone or annoy people.  I write from my heart which my writing group, "Writers Unite" would back up.  No need for slander or nit picking or strong opinions in the comment section.  I may not even get comments.  I write bearing no expectations except on myself to follow the words put on my heart by God.

Yes a lot of my blogs will be faith based.  I pray readers will have an open heart to how we live our life.  I would never force our life upon everyone else.  I can only share how having our faith is our only fuel to keep us going.  I used to live a certain way but now chose to walk away from that and be a better person.  As you click on the button to read my blogs, a choice is then made to either follow the sentences or click on the close button.  One blog you may hate and the next one could really pull at your heart. 

I do not pretend to be a perfect writer.  Having self-published a book, "A Pinky Promise" I know I need an editor maybe two.  It is a fun personal challenge to form my paragraphs and find the right words to relay my topic. Some days my fingers tap the keyboard keys as I brain storm my next line.  Topics are so easy as I have a life with many things going on.  The one that stands out the most that day, confirm with God then typing I go.

Really when I think of it there is no specific way to blog or what to blog on.  I have read poetry blogs, craft blogs, family update blogs, and many more.  I search the ones that mean the most to me.

The long and short is I love to blog and I am only human and love hearing from those who really needed to read something I wrote or just words like, "Great blog today."

Thank you to those who do read my blogs and to those who turn away I hope you check my next blog and a connection can happen.

How to pray?

Do you get offended if people don't pray the same as you?
Do you think people need to have their hands together?
Do you think people need to pray out loud?
Do you think people need to pray for a long time to be heard?

I have a secret:  It does not matter what the heck you think.

Do you think there is a perfect prayer?
Do you think there is a perfect praying time?
Do you think one person can pray better then another?

Let me ask you a question:  (OK another question) "What is prayer for?" See how long it takes for an answer to pop in your head.

Prayer to me is talking.  Talking to Jesus.  Yep a good ole' relationship.  This relationship there is no hiding anything cause He knows me better then anyone.

Our relationship is unique which means it is different then everyone else.  It means in my relationship with Jesus I talk to Him some days alot and other days it is quiet. I talk to Him when doing the dishes.  He also talks to me and puts things on my heart different then anyone else I know.  There are days when I talk/pray to Him I am in tears, or prayers that last a few minutes.  Most times it is a quick thank you or as someone I know pops on my heart I quickly prayer.  Lets be honest if I was to sit down and physically pray for all I know who are going through something right now...I would be praying 8 hours a day.  I talk/pray as things come into my heart.

When I first started my walk I used to love the way others would pray out loud and the big fancy smancy words they would use and could not wait to be just like them.  How wrong was that?  In other words I was asking for the same relationship they had.  Prayer is often times a download from Jesus to us especially when praying for others.  I have learned though that I have my own fun relationship with Him.  He downloads to me what works for Him and I.  He gives me pictures I will get and share.  He gives my fun things only I would get.  All in all anything He can to bring me closer.

Most know Deans brother and their family with six kids lost there home to a fire last week and now their son is the hospital (unrelated to fire) just getting out of critical care because of infection.  I have not felt the need to be on my knees for hours praying.  Instead I have said little prayers as little Isaiah's name flows onto my heart. 

I am OK with where my relationship is.  I do not need to or want to be where anyone else is when they pray.

In the bible Jesus said prayers like, "Be healed," or "Go Forth," and even, "Pick up your mat and walk."  And then there were times He went away for a long time just to be with His father, God to get the downloads He needed. 

What does prayer sound like to you?
How long does it have to be to feel like it is worth something?
Do you have to be in a specific spot?
Does it need to be quiet around you?
Do you only pray at church?
Do you pray with others?
What about praying outloud?
Or is it in the quiet of your own head?
Is your head up?
Are your hands together?
Do you wisper those prayers?
Are you prayers sung?
Do you read your prayers from a book?

If you are praying and talking to Jesus and listening to him it does not matter to me how you answered the above questions.  Nor should it matter to anyone else. 

Please just keep talking! That means the communication lines are open!

Today I wear my Courage badge for Isaiah

 Today I really did not want to be at church.  Instead I wanted our family to be in Hamilton visiting our nephew who is in PICU. He has machines doing all the work for him so he can fight off the septic shock he is in. Steve and Megan (Isaiah's parents) took Isaiah in for regular appointments this weekend and well Thank GOD they did. 

We set up Scott's Ipod so we can text back and forth.  As we were getting ready this morning we started to notice the snow outside and the weather advisor on the radio and knew it was safe to stick around at home. 

The visit would not just have been about Isaiah being in critical condition but the fact this family just lost their house to a fire last Monday. 

 

Overwhelming feeling of helplessness as we can not get up to Hamilton.  So off to church we went.   I did not even have the lesson printed out nor knew what it was about. As I took a moment to go the window in our Sunday school room, my emotions got the best of me as I starred out the window to blowing snow.  Before I got to far a friend who I love dearly came in and checked up on me.  God sent her at the right time cause I needed a shoulder to cry on.

She helped me get the notes for class and of course the topic was "Courage."

 

I went in for a few minutes of worship and before long the kids were running off for Sunday school.

Our class was very small today.  We have two and three year olds so our lessons are very simple and fun.  First snack then a game involving throwing popcorn.  The closer we are with God the easier it is to get the popcorn that far.  Then our craft (pictures).  Our courage badge.

 

Gosh sometimes it is hard to be courageous.  If it wasn't for God's word and those around me reminding me to stand strong, be courageous and trust God, we would not be much help to Steve and Megan nor ourselves.  I do feel helpless with worldly needs like not being able to get up to them to give them items they lost from the fire and taking them suppers.  But I remember to pray.  Knowing that we are talking to God on their behalf and along side their prayers is the best thing we could give them right now. 

 

For Isaiah though now there is where courage is.  That little man is fighting with everything God is giving him to take every breath. At three years old it seems so unfair to have endured all Isaiah has in his life already.  He is just so precious and we pray for God to hold him and breath for him the next couple of days. 

 

This week I will wear my Sunday School craft badge of courage in honor of our little man Isaiah.

 

Spirit of Anger

Lord lets identify one of our enemies!

 

Everyone one of us young and old know anger.  Anger has come knocking on our hearts and minds over and over again.  For some that anger has made a home inside of us that last for years.  Each knew home that is planted in us comes with weight.  Weight we should not carry.  I would rather not carry any more weight.  I want to be free.

I had a few moments the other day to interview the Spirit of Anger (let me humor you).

Me:  "Where do you come from?"

Anger: "Ahhhh, your emotions and my boss sends me to work for a long time."

Me: "Who's your boss?"

Anger: "Satan is the one and only."

Me: "What is your job description?"

Anger: "To seek, kill and destroy."

Me: "I know anger is a natural emotion but I see then that your job is then too remind us over and over again about that anger.  Which we then can hang onto for a long time."

Anger: "Oh yes, I love to see people angry at each other for as long as I can.  My boss loves it when couples go to bed angry and family members turn their backs on eachother.  And He laughs at those who or angry for the smallest things.  Friendships fall apart, relationships fall apart.  I can hear His evil laugh now."

Me: "You know you can be stopped?  I have seen that happen and have stopped you before."

Anger: "Oh please, please don't say the "G" word or the "F" word."

Me: "What does it scare you?"

Anger: "Maybe."

Me: "Well you see I have a bigger and more loving boss then you.  And yes GOD is His name.  He has promised me nd the rest of us peace when we FORGIVE.  See we forgive and put our hurt to the cross and our Daddy God then stomps on your boss.  HAHAHAHAH we just have a bigger boss.  People do not deserve to carry their anger for a long time.

In Esphesians 4:26 His word says, "In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."  We are to begin a new fresh day."

Anger: "My job is so easy as for some reason humans like to carry that anger.  They feel if they give up that anger, they feel the one(s) they are angry at win.  So they hang on and hang on.  It is great.  Destruction we love."

Me:  "Psalm 37:8 Our God's word says, "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil."

Anger: "Umm, ahhhh..."

Me: "Ecclesiastes 7:9 more words, "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. 

Anger: "I ahhh, need to go."

Me: "Mark 16:17-19 even more words, "And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

Me: "Wait one more, Psalm 55:22, "Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

Anger pooffed and left.

Me:  "Like I said my boss is better.  My daddy God will crush you and your boss.  Anger is back where it belongs."

Life is so much easier without anger and in place peaceful with God.  I do not want to allow anger to run my life.  Not saying it comes easy but in the end we have control and someone who is willing to carry it all.  Sounds great to me.

Saying Goodnight

As adults we long for that moment when our head hits the pillow and drift off to la la land.  I chuckle out loud as I think of all the different places we all drift off to.

Last night ended up being a crazy routine and might I add late night to get the kids to bed.  Three of them at least.

Grabbing the Ipad Dean takes Emma up stairs at 9:00 p.m.  "Brush teeth" the speech program button spoke.  Each task involves her using the Ipad to speak for her.  Along with encouragement to for her to speak the words.  They go through pressing each button; going potty, changing diaper, putting on p.j.'s, reading book, doing a prayer, hug and kiss and lastly turning music on and lights out.

From there it is usually getting Bella to bed but last night that girl did not want to sleep as she had a later nap due to not feeling well.

So off we go down to say goodnight to Troy and Scott.  Troy gets suited up with his leg brace and I pray with him, hugs and kisses and off to his "la la" land he went.  Dean goes in with Scott and prays with him.  Then Dean and I switch boys rooms and steal hugs and kisses. All in the mean while Bella is running back and forth between boys room.

Oh gosh this is going to be a long night.  I grab my tea and Dean goes in to lay with Bella on her bed.  As I go in to say goodnight to Bella between my weary eyes and being hit with a childlike spirit I hear Bella's Mini Pops CD playing and instantly Dean and Bella became my audience as I began what I call dancing.  Gods way of saying at that moment we all needed laughter especially myself.

All of the days many many tasks at that musical moment became obsolete as I danced around Bella's room and Dean and Bella were laughing so hard.  Assuming I was done after that one song I said goodnight and danced out of her room.  But I wasn't done apparently as I grabbed a pillow and all of a sudden pillow up shirt and back I go into her room and then became a pregnant mom dancing.  I am thinking to myself I must be overtired to be doing this but my spirit was telling me just to have fun and make Dean and Bella laugh.  "Ok, mommy is done.  Goodnight Bella" I said as I walked back out.  I could hear them giggling wondering if I was going to come back a third time.   

Again my spirit kept me going cause I went from a pregnant mom to mom with a big tush as the pillow went to the back side.  Back I go.  Dancing like most moms can.  This time I knew I was done and turned the light off and closed the door as I left.

Fifteen minutes later Dean and Bella come join me in bed.  It turns out Dean fell asleep and Bella was still awake.

Bella finally fell asleep and I just thanked God for that moment last night.  He knows I hate serious and love feeling and acting like a child.  No worries, believe everything.  Those dance moves were crazy, on beat, but crazy.  At that moment it was the three of us and God. 

A good reminder life is so short.  Not me being short, life is short.