80 years

Lord thank you for my grandma.

Have you tried to imagine being 80 years old?  I really had not until I celebrated my grandmas 80th birthday yesterday.  A flood of memories come back as I reflect on half of those years I have spent with her.

This is my reflection on her 80 years:

black and white t.v.
sleepovers
divorce
church
many fun family get togethers
picking yummy vegtables in the garden
a life of mediating
watching siblings be with the Lord
working
hard times with not alot of money
grandchildren
great grandchildren
trips to florida
trips to vegas
taking care of her sister Rosie
swimming
horseshoes
lots and lots of crocheting
Bingo
lots of playing cards
wordsearch
St. Clements
2nd marriage

How exciting to celebrate 80 years of someones life.  God has been watching over her all these years and has a great plan for her. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To bow or not to bow heads

Today I attended a funeral for a friend of ours and during the service I was reminded how my heart tells me to lift my head while we prayed.  For me this is not new.  Everytime someone says bow your head in prayers I find myself raising my face to God. 

I did a teeny bit of research to see why we actual bow our heads when praying.  Here is what I found; that is not scriptural persay or is a must.  It is a sign of adoration, submission, means of respecting God is King, humbling yourself and probably many more.

Being at my friends funeral I wanted and needed to look up.  When my kids are hurting they look up to me for comfort.  It is only when they do something wrong do their little heads go down.

Why I look up.  My reasoning seems so simple.   If I bow my head I do not feel His light on my face.  As though I am missing something by looking down.  I raise as though to say, "God I praise you and thank you despite losing my friend."  I feel darkness when I look down.  Brightness shining as I close my eyes and head up.  As though I am a cat soaking up the sun on the only spot on the floor.

Basically it doesn't matter how I pray or you pray.  I chose to face our God when I am talking to Him.
It is not up to a "church" or man to dictate how my relationship should be with Him.  The fact that when I do it my heart is sincere and looking to Him is all He can ask for.

Heartnut

Wednesday morning we left at 7 am to head off for Troy's appointment in Hamilton with the surgeon that keeps an eye on him.  As a mom I always have my own ideas and thoughts of what we want for Troy.  Not always remembering it is not up to me.  For God only knows the plans for Troy.  None the less I really had the expectations they would considering doing Hamstring lengthening surgery on Troy since he has grown so much and is crouching alot more.  More honestly I wanted them to say she would schedule the surgery.  It may sound strange for a mom to want her child to go into surgery for a third time however I know what his last hamstring surgery did for him and would love for Troy to have that again.

"Hi lovey, I have something special for you at the end of our appointment,"  Dr. Burrow said as she walked into our room. 

I had my battle words ready.  She asked Troy to walk up and down the hall and asked him how much stretching he is doing.  Well stretching is a huge battle but he is getting some stretches with his stander at school.  Up Troy went on the examining bed where she flexed both legs.

"I still see no need at this point for surgery.  More and more we are finding in older kids it is beneficial to do an increase of therapy stretches.  His left leg is surgery material but there is no point doing one leg and not the other.  He would 20% muscle use after surgery,"  Dr. Burrow said. 

How can I argue with that?  How far do I push?  Do we get a second opinion? 

Dr. Burrow continued, "We could try leg casting for a couple of weeks and see how that goes.  Come back the end of March and we can discuss it further.  For now try to get 3-4 hours with his gator on along with his leg brace for really good stretching."

The conversation went further  and was ended as she left the room to get that something special for Troy. "Do you have any nut allergies?" Burrows asked out in the hall.

"No!" I replied thinking yippppy we are getting candy oh I mean Troy was getting candy.

In she comes with a little baggy with nut shells.  "Have you ever heard of the heartnut?" she asked.

"The heartnut?" I asked back puzzled.  In seconds my mouth dropped as she was showing us what the heartnut/shell looked like.

 

Turns out this is an amazing tree and the nuts are very nutritious.  That aside Troy explained to the doctor that I love finding hearts everywhere.  Who knew God was making a tree full of hearts. 

 

My heart then revealed that it was yet another small message from God in those heart shells that He is in control of Troy. Trust Him and do not be in a hurry for surgery.  Just like his last visit we had a rainbow on the way home. 

God we hear you this time.  We will wait!

 

I totally want this tree.

Trying to feel included

Lord be with Troy as he deals with feeling left out.



This morning I stood at Troy's classroom door waiting for the teacher to notice my presence.  "Can I see Troy please for a minute," I asked once noticed. 

Troy comes out of the classroom and we sit on the bench where he has his backpack, outdoor clothing and walker.

Before  I got a word out about why I was there Troy says, "Mom today we were playing basket ball in gym and no one passed the ball to me.  There is no point in my going out if no one is passing the ball to me."  I could see his eyes getting watery and my heart wanted to jump out and wipe his tears.  I asked him if there was a teacher in with them and he confirmed there was.  I then asked if he said something to the teacher about being involved and he said he did not.  

"You should tell the teacher how you feel bud," I tried to say convincingly.  "Or talk to the principal or we can go right now if you would like," I said trying to think of ways to resolve his broken heart. 

"Its OK mom we are starting a new unit, floor hockey.  If it happens with that I will say something." he said like Troy always says. 

He does not want to be the one to always run to the teacher or principal.  As a parent I even find it hard to speak up sometimes knowing that teachers, principals or whoever I am trying to explain something to will always have an excuse as to why it is happening.  Step down to an 11 year old level and they can not figure out why they are all not treated the same.  He wonders if it is because of his special needs that no one wants to throw the ball to him.  He wonders why the teacher would not make sure everyone is involved especially if marks are at risk. 

Often times they just assume Troy is doing what he can but do not really try to include him beyond the scope.   The problem irks me because I know it is not just Troy who feels left out at school.  There are hundreds of kids who get left behind because the focus remains on the easy, high marked, athletic kids.  Or even focus  on just doing a job and adhering to rules passed on.

Why do Christians think faith should be at school?  Read the above.  In the bible no one is left out.  In the bible the focus is not on the top people who believe.  No! Scripture after scripture Jesus had faith in tax collectors (disciple), the sick, the sinners etc. This list goes on.  He included them all and expects that from us all.  Jesus just wants people to love each other the best we can.

Many say faith should remain at home and dealt with privately or at church.  The truth is it is hard to teach them love for everyone when they do not even feel like they fully get it from a place they are at 6 hours a day.  Who ever changed the fact that school should only include academics and wean out love and compassion for others.   I am not saying there is none of this at school I believe it is diminishing.  Is it not fair as a parent to say all I want is for my kids to feel loved even at school.  To me a human being feeling loved is so much more fulfilling then A's in school.  We don't get into Heaven with straight A's. 

At the same time we need to prepare Troy for those times when he feels left out.  It breaks my heart when it happens at school when an adult is in charge of inclusiveness. 

Troy and I decided he would type up a letter for his gym teacher to say how he felt.  Awareness is always good.  Reminders are always good.  I know I need them once in a while.  OK I know most days I could use reminders.

Junior kindergarten

As Bella pulls out her agenda after a full day of school she hands me a blue sheet

of paper and says, "Mommy this is for Emma.  Can I fill it out?"  I think to myself for Emma?  Why would Emma get mail from the "big school?'

I told Bella to let me read the paper first.  As I skimmed down the sheet I quickly noticed "junior kindergarten registration is..."  Oh gosh.  I am not ready for big school for Emma yet.  Even though Emma is three years old, four this October she has only been with our family for a year and a half.  It feels like we just gave birth to her.  How could I possibly let our baby go to big school?

More important question I struggle with is why send her so early?  Does she really need to be in school so early?  Does God need her to be in school at only 4 years old, 5 days a week for 6 hours a day?  For me it is more then whether she is ready or not.  Even if she is ready does Emma need school 5 days a week?  Will it really affect her 20 years down the road when she is getting a job?  I think of all the "smartie pants" people in the world (inventors, RIM designers, etc) and they seem OK not having school at 4 years old.

Bella had JK every other day the first year and then our school started to the full day program for her SK year.  We decided it was best not to conform to the worldly decision of what is best for her and still sent her every other day as did a few other parents with their little ones. 

So if Emma goes to JK a decision needs to be made that best suits her needs.  The fun part is I already know God has amazing plans for her with JK or not.  I also know I need to talk to Him and see what he puts on our hearts for His princess.  Not earthly minds thinking they know what is best for a little girl they have never met or read what is on two pages of paper.

I believe that the teachers do an amazing job with what they are given in the classrooms and handed down by the school boards.  I am not questioning teachers and their work. 

I am a mom that has been able to stay home now for over 10 years which allows me the privilege of my children staying home.  I can not say whether or not it would be the same if I worked.  I dare not even begin to guess what working full time would be like.  Part-time work is enough.

Today I grabbed a pen and filled out the registration forms.  The work begins to get Immunization records, birth certificates and the list of her team members like speech, occupational and phsyiotherapists.  How do I write out all her specialities on paper LOL.

The conversation begins well I should say continues with God as He reveals to us what is best for our little princess this September.

Blogging

One of my goals for the new year was to blog everyday.  I am not to far off but not exactly where I wanted to be.

I realize there are so many things that get to the top of my list.  Blogging may be on my list of to-do's for 2014 but what does God have in store for me this year?

While I may feel like I am failing my goal, God reminds me blogging is my plan.  He supports me as I write but He definitely fills up my time the days I do not write.

It can take up to one hour to put my words down and find pictures to go along.  Add to that  distractions and the clock runs longer.

Why to blog?  I feel I have lots to write about and a lot of times what I write down flows out of what God has put on my heart.  Ask me the next day what I write and I may not remember.  My fingers press on the letters and before I know it I am clicking on the spell check.  Will I ever be famous for my blogs, now that is funny.

I am not writing to be famous.  My writing is not meant to hurt anyone or annoy people.  I write from my heart which my writing group, "Writers Unite" would back up.  No need for slander or nit picking or strong opinions in the comment section.  I may not even get comments.  I write bearing no expectations except on myself to follow the words put on my heart by God.

Yes a lot of my blogs will be faith based.  I pray readers will have an open heart to how we live our life.  I would never force our life upon everyone else.  I can only share how having our faith is our only fuel to keep us going.  I used to live a certain way but now chose to walk away from that and be a better person.  As you click on the button to read my blogs, a choice is then made to either follow the sentences or click on the close button.  One blog you may hate and the next one could really pull at your heart. 

I do not pretend to be a perfect writer.  Having self-published a book, "A Pinky Promise" I know I need an editor maybe two.  It is a fun personal challenge to form my paragraphs and find the right words to relay my topic. Some days my fingers tap the keyboard keys as I brain storm my next line.  Topics are so easy as I have a life with many things going on.  The one that stands out the most that day, confirm with God then typing I go.

Really when I think of it there is no specific way to blog or what to blog on.  I have read poetry blogs, craft blogs, family update blogs, and many more.  I search the ones that mean the most to me.

The long and short is I love to blog and I am only human and love hearing from those who really needed to read something I wrote or just words like, "Great blog today."

Thank you to those who do read my blogs and to those who turn away I hope you check my next blog and a connection can happen.

How to pray?

Do you get offended if people don't pray the same as you?
Do you think people need to have their hands together?
Do you think people need to pray out loud?
Do you think people need to pray for a long time to be heard?

I have a secret:  It does not matter what the heck you think.

Do you think there is a perfect prayer?
Do you think there is a perfect praying time?
Do you think one person can pray better then another?

Let me ask you a question:  (OK another question) "What is prayer for?" See how long it takes for an answer to pop in your head.

Prayer to me is talking.  Talking to Jesus.  Yep a good ole' relationship.  This relationship there is no hiding anything cause He knows me better then anyone.

Our relationship is unique which means it is different then everyone else.  It means in my relationship with Jesus I talk to Him some days alot and other days it is quiet. I talk to Him when doing the dishes.  He also talks to me and puts things on my heart different then anyone else I know.  There are days when I talk/pray to Him I am in tears, or prayers that last a few minutes.  Most times it is a quick thank you or as someone I know pops on my heart I quickly prayer.  Lets be honest if I was to sit down and physically pray for all I know who are going through something right now...I would be praying 8 hours a day.  I talk/pray as things come into my heart.

When I first started my walk I used to love the way others would pray out loud and the big fancy smancy words they would use and could not wait to be just like them.  How wrong was that?  In other words I was asking for the same relationship they had.  Prayer is often times a download from Jesus to us especially when praying for others.  I have learned though that I have my own fun relationship with Him.  He downloads to me what works for Him and I.  He gives me pictures I will get and share.  He gives my fun things only I would get.  All in all anything He can to bring me closer.

Most know Deans brother and their family with six kids lost there home to a fire last week and now their son is the hospital (unrelated to fire) just getting out of critical care because of infection.  I have not felt the need to be on my knees for hours praying.  Instead I have said little prayers as little Isaiah's name flows onto my heart. 

I am OK with where my relationship is.  I do not need to or want to be where anyone else is when they pray.

In the bible Jesus said prayers like, "Be healed," or "Go Forth," and even, "Pick up your mat and walk."  And then there were times He went away for a long time just to be with His father, God to get the downloads He needed. 

What does prayer sound like to you?
How long does it have to be to feel like it is worth something?
Do you have to be in a specific spot?
Does it need to be quiet around you?
Do you only pray at church?
Do you pray with others?
What about praying outloud?
Or is it in the quiet of your own head?
Is your head up?
Are your hands together?
Do you wisper those prayers?
Are you prayers sung?
Do you read your prayers from a book?

If you are praying and talking to Jesus and listening to him it does not matter to me how you answered the above questions.  Nor should it matter to anyone else. 

Please just keep talking! That means the communication lines are open!